Can We Talk About the Sex Offender Spectrum?

At one end, you’d find Mary, Mother of God if she walked the earth, amid a crowd of mostly female people. Here also there will be men who treat women and children with genuine respect. Let’s say the Mr. Rogers of the world. At the other end, Satan himself and various other monsters, including the likes of Paul Bernardo, Luis Garavito & John Wayne Gacy, amid a densely packed crowd of mostly male humans. Yes, female sex offenders exist, but those who commit heinous crimes in the absence of an influential, if not coercive, relationship with a sex offending male are vanishingly rare. One thing we know with statistical certainty is that the vast majority of sex offenders, approximately 99% of them, are male.

The spectrum of sexual boundary violations ranges from the relatively benign male gaze to horrific sexual torture inflicted by porn-sick sadists. The world is full of men who fall at various points along this spectrum for sexual boundary violations, in terms of numbers of offenses, numbers of victims and severity of offenses. Not all sexual boundary violations are equally serious, not all are rape. Not all cause lasting trauma, but none of it is okay. There are so many men spread out across the sex offender spectrum, it is insane to give men the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re “good guys” if they ask for access to vulnerable females. Any man requesting access to vulnerable women and/or children should be viewed with suspicion by default.

Females often compartmentalize our trauma to wall it off so we can function in the world. We tell our selves “it could have been worse” when a man violates our boundaries. “He didn’t rape me” is a pretty damn low bar for male behavior though. Let consider what women tolerate and minimize, and how young we are when we are socially conditioned to “not make waves.”

The first time a male sexually molested me, I was 6 years old. I was persuaded by boys who were a year or two older than me to show them my vulva and one of them pressed his soft little penis against me. I was too young to understand why this was inappropriate, but it felt wrong and I quickly withdrew from the situation. “Playing doctor” is considered a relatively harmless developmental phase in children, but coercion is not uncommon, which is why I’m horrified at modern sex educators promoting the practice to children.

The first time I was sexually molested by an adult male, I was nine years old and a friend’s elderly male relative insisted we sit on his lap, one straddling each knee. He held me in place by putting his hand firmly between my legs. This felt like a violation, but it did not occur to me to tell my mother what he had done and one reason is that I really didn’t have the language I would need to describe the situation or my feelings about it. I’d been warned about strangers, but surely my friend’s grandpapa was not one of those! I was conscious that “making a fuss” was not what “good girls” do. How much more did that man do to the little girl whose home he was invited into? I’ll never know because she moved away shortly after. I’ve often thought of her since.

The first time I was sexually molested by an adult male in a position of authority, I was 12 years old. My dentist, who was probably in his 60s, would but his hand in my crotch on the pretext of “repositioning” me in his chair. This made me feel uncomfortable. I’m glad I didn’t need to be knocked out for any of the dental work I had there. Once again, I did not tell my mother what happened. He had “plausible deniability” which is something sex offenders can be expected to develop in elaborate ways. They do all manner of complicated mental gymnastics to justify the unjustifiable. Several years later I had all my wisdom teeth removed under general anaesthetic in a dental surgeon’s office. I still feel queasy wondering how a small blood stain ended up on my under shirt in the area that should have been covered by the bib.

When I was 14 two of my friends made teasing comments suggesting I might be interested in a young man closer to 20 who was selling his car to my brother. He went away, showered and changed and came back. He asked me out. I declined. I later learned he took a girl who lived down the street on a date and raped her. He was never charged with a crime. This was the 70s. It would be years before the culture would recognize “date rape” as a real crime. There were other known rapists in our social group you just didn’t go on a date with. Their lives were not interrupted by criminal charges. Life went on.

In grade school a math teacher had an inappropriate relationship with a girl who was about 12 years old. We don’t know how much her parents knew, or how far it went. We knew they liked each other a lot and spent more time together than what might be considered appropriate. That girl had an older brother, who smoked a lot of dope and often had his friends over. How much grooming she been subjected to before she met that teacher?

In high school, there was that one “handsy” teacher all the girls were warned not to be alone with, sometimes by other teachers. He was paunchy with thinning grey hair. Not someone any teen girl would find attractive, but he took what was not offered anyway. He knew where the line was. “Plausible deniability” must be maintained if a man wants to keep his job.

Men who seek little ways, plausible ways, to violate female boundaries are a dime a dozen. In school and later in the workplace, girls develop a sixth sense for the creeps who hide in plain sight. The handsy uncle you don’t want to stand beside for a family photo. The boss who drinks to much at a holiday party and tries to stick his tongue down someone’s throat in the elevator. Most of the sex offenses perpetrated by men never rise to the level that they would be reported to the police. One reason is that sex offenders gauge their victims and avoid those most likely to kick them in the nuts or report them to Human Resources. “Low level” sex offenses are still sex offenses though.

It is true that “not all men” can be accused of being a sexual predator, but how many boundary violations does the definition of predator include? How many men have never made a girl feel like prey? Before you answer that, consider how many times girls/women cross the road to make sure the heavy footfalls behind us don’t have dangerous intentions. Consider how many perfectly innocent men have noticed a girl cross the road before realizing that they themselves had been registered as a potential threat.

Yes, there are decent men in the world who would never knowingly harm a woman or girl, but given the sliding scale of sexual offending behaviours, not one of them can be given the benefit of the doubt. Decent men understand this and don’t resent it, although they may very well resent the creeps who give other men a bad name. Realistically though, how many boys ever reached manhood without ever violating any female’s boundary while learning where those boundaries are?

The most important fact the public needs to understand about gender critical feminism and “trans women” is that when males undergo a medical “transition” they retain male patterns of criminality and continue to be a threat. This is why trans activists are so adamant that we all play along with the lie that “trans women are women.” They seek to obscure the ongoing danger males present to females of all ages. We must not allow their false dogma to pass unchallenged, because the safety of women and children demands honesty in risk assessment and safeguarding. No man has any right to trespass in any single-sex space for females. Not one. Not ever. Why? No human has ever changed sex. Not one. Not ever.